Our Aims
Introduction
Suffering from Bereavement is a natural part of life that we all must inevitably confront throughout our time here.
Our modern secular culture has a tendency to want to avoid the subject of death and can sometimes treat it as if it was a failure rather than a natural part of the living cycle.
For example, those who are grieving are likely to experience a range of side-effects, which can include: shortness of breath, dizziness, irregular heartbeat, hot or cold flushes, disruption of normal sleep patterns, difficulty eating, manic energy, or sensations of heaviness or aching muscles.
These are not signs of a failure of your previously healthy body. They are not indications that you should call the doctor to get some pills to take away the pains. Rather, for an intense eruption of physical and cognitive symptoms to occur when you experience the death of a loved one, this is a perfectly natural exhibition of your love for the person who is now no longer with you.
Ever since human beings appeared on this planet grief has been experienced. It is observed as well in the higher animals, who are also capable of forming deep and loving relationships.
The Story of Buddha and the Mustard Seed
During Buddha’s time, there lived a woman named Kisa Gotami. She married young and gave birth to a son. One day, the baby fell sick and died soon after. Kisa Gotami loved her son greatly and refused to believe that her son was dead. She carried the body of her son around her village, asking if there was anyone who can bring her son back to life.
The villagers all saw that the son was already dead and there was nothing that could be done. They advised her to accept his death and make arrangements for the funeral.
In great grief, she fell upon her knees and clutched her son’s body close to her body. She kept uttering for her son to wake up.
A village elder took pity on her and suggested to her to consult the Buddha.
“Kisa Gotami. We cannot help you. But you should go to the Buddha. Maybe he can bring your son back to life!”
She immediately went to the Buddha’s residence and pleaded for him to bring her son back to life.
“Kisa Gotami, I have a way to bring your son back to life.”
“My Lord, I will do anything to bring my son back”
“If that is the case, then I need you to find me something. Bring me a mustard seed but it must be taken from a house where no one residing in the house has ever lost a family member. Bring this seed back to me and your son will come back to life.”
Kisa Gotami went from house to house, trying to find the mustard seed.
At the first house, a young woman offered to give her some mustard seeds. But when Kisa Gotami asked if she had ever lost a family member to death, the young woman said her grandmother died a few months ago.
She moved on to the 2nd house. A husband died a few years ago. The 3rd house lost an uncle and the 4th house lost an aunt. She kept moving from house to house but the answer was all the same – every house had lost a family member to death, including small children and babies. She spoke to many others and they shared their grief with her. Each of them showed her compassion for her own loss. They all agreed that losing a child was the worst kind of grief to suffer.
Kisa Gotami finally came to realise that there is no one in the world who had never lost a family member to death. She now understood that death is inevitable and a natural part of life.
Putting aside her grief for the moment, she buried her son in the forest.
She knew that she would never forget him but would have to find a way to understand why death was a part of the living cycle.
She returned to the Buddha and asked to become his follower.
The Importance of Fellowship
As Kisa Gotami learned, talking to others and establishing a bond of compassion through shared experience, can be extremely helpful when you have suffered a loss.
We will be meeting once a week for an hour. If possible, please reserve this time in your diary for ten sessions so that you respect not just your own natural grieving process but also help others in this group by respecting theirs too.
Respect for the Right to follow Different Faiths
This group is designed to be inclusive which means that we ask you all to show the same respect to everyone, no matter their creed or belief. This includes those who consider themselves to be non-religious, atheist, Buddhist or agnostic, as well as Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs and any other practitioner of a living religion. We all have a right to hold on to our own way of seeing things and this means that challenging anyone’s views within this context is not appropriate.
Since we are going to be talking to each other about our most deeply felt values and exploring our emotional ties with those who can no longer speak for themselves, we all need to keep our minds and hearts as open as possible. Our vulnerability in these meetings is what will make this time so precious.